It feels like it will never end

I need to finish my Masters degree. It is not something I have ever wanted, ever, but it is something required in my state. I have been enrolled in a summers-only program for the past 5 years. It is a 3 year program. To be fair, I have had 2 kids within that time. One summer I was hugely pregnant and my brain felt like it was misfiring at every turn. Last summer was out because I had a newborn. I have hated every second of the program, even though it is a high-quality school. It has cost me an arm and a leg. My undergrad has been completely paid off for about 3 years now, but I owe about $20k on this, not to mention the semester I paid cash for.

Here is what remains. Mind you, my degree is completely paid off, I just have to finish up these loose ends:

• Write my Philosophy of Music Education
• I took an incomplete in the class where this was required. I have written and re-written it but this has proven to be very difficult. They are big on "music for music's sake" there, but what is someone who is in constant fear of losing their job to do? Am I just supposed to write line upon line about how music is absolutely the most important subject of all time and people who don't think so are just morons?
• Pass a comprehensive exam on early music history
• I just really need to buckle down and study for this. My reading/learning comprehension skills have been very lacking in the past few years. I was recently diagnosed with CAPD, a learning disorder. It explains SO much about my struggles in HS and undergrad. I wish I had known 10 years ago. This test is on the Renaissance through the Baroque.
• Pass a sight singing exam
• Sight singing was my #1 weakness in undergrad. I can do it, and thankfully I have 3 tries. Mercifully they allow singing on "la" instead of requiring numbers or solfege.
• Polish up my portfolio
• Unlike most colleges, I have no thesis requirement. I have to have all of my graduate work bound together and explained in a large book that will be judged by my committee. This part is nearly complete and actually I like how it is turning out.  
• Write and present on a topic relevent to my field.
• This is a 20-30 minute presentation. I have no earthly clue what I want to write about, I have changed my subject about 15 times. Then the committee gets to grill me. I have to study everything I can about psychology of music, learning theories, current big-guns in the field, etc. Even thinking about this gives me hives and makes me kind of teary-eyed.

I just can't put this off anymore. I need it to keep my certification. My difficulty here is that I don't believe in a Masters requirement. I don't feel it is necessary. If we had moved to this state a year earlier, I wouldn't be in this mess. I want so badly to believe in it, but I just don't. Maybe it is because I am so scared. Whatever it is, I have to do it. My advisor isn't the most cooperative of people but he isn't a bad guy, so I know he will try and guide me to where I need to be (if I can get ahold of him!).

First snow day of the year!

Yes, here it is April 23 and we have had our first snow day. Usually we have plenty, but this year we had an unusually mild winter. Jack's school was closed, as was mine, so here are some pictures from our day today! (No, we didn't go out. Jack's snow pants have been packed and are moved to the new place already!)

This was while I still thought we were on a delay...Lila and I were playing with the sensory balls I bought her yesterday at TJMaxx. They are pretty neat, they are the spiky ones in the distance and right behind her. They came 4 to a box and are a hit with both kids so far!

 She looks concerned.

 Jack realized it was snowing. He said "It's Christmastime!".

 I got Jack some Cra.yola Window Crayons yesterday. He LOVES them. They are ridiculously easy to clean up. This was one of many of his artistic endeavors today. He would finish up and then say "clean please". A little club soda and an old prefold cloth diaper, the window was good as new. It came off the paint on the window sill and the kids hands quite easily as well.

I am working on scraping the scrapbook paper/ModPodge off of the dresser in Jack's room. This will go in their shared room in the new place (that I have been calling Green Acres...all we need is a pig!). It is made of metal and came out of a prison (literally...our landlord works at a prison and bought a ton of these dressers when they renovated). It will be lightly sanded, primed, and painted a sunshiny yellow. I will keep the current knobs (you can see them at the bottom). We use it as a changing table. There is a nook in the new bedroom especially sized for this dresser.

 Playing nicely with the Little People House.

 We made these pretzel bites today. When I cut it into 1/8 dough balls, Jack took one for his own. It kept him occupied for a good long time! He mixed it, kneaded it, cut it (with the bench scraper) and even made a few pretzel bites himself! He REALLY enjoyed this. I will definitely make it again, it was tasty and fun.

 Lila waiting patiently for some attention.

 I made a pizza!

Not all was sunshine and rainbows today though. Jack pooped 4 times before noon. He refuses to poop on the potty so that was fun. I was changing Jack and the phone rings. I go get it. I look at Lila who has gotten her diaper off and is now smeared in poop. That was fun too. Thankfully she didn't snack on its contents. It was our old family doctors office letting us know Lila was like, 8 months behind on appointments. Apparently they didn't notice that I transferred all of their records at the beginning of the school year. I brought Lila in for an appt. and they were 45 minutes late seeing me. I was there with both kids. This would have been fine, we really liked our doctor. What made this the straw that broke the camels back was that after the doctor saw us, it took ANOTHER 45 minutes for someone to come in and give her her shots. I was at the end of my everloving rope. I would have loved to tell them this today on the phone had Lila not painted herself. We have been super happy with our new office, they always see us very quickly.

Oh one more sunshiny rainbow: I made rice and split pea soup for lunch today. Jack gobbled it up. YAY Jack! 

I just read probably the saddest blog ever

I was somehow linked to this blog today. I cannot stop thinking about that poor woman and what her husband and son must have gone through. I am having a hard time with this considering we are moving onto a property with a pond within the month. We have a friend whose daughter drowned in a neighbors pool and even thinking about going through what Amy did breaks my heart. Water safety is so important, I need to educate myself on it 110% more. I grew up in Florida where EVERYONE had a backyard pool. They were also fenced in. Here not always. And forget about the natural water sources.

There really isn't a point to this post but to kind of remind myself how important it is.

It is all about the little changes

I am trying to make a lot of little changes in my eating instead of big ones, as those I usually fail at. 

I have kind of taken a bit of inspiration from my awesome friend Emily at QueenoftheKings. She has lost a lot of weight and is someone I look to for ideas when it comes to food intake. Every week she does a food prep post. The idea is right on, if you have healthy food at your fingertips, ready to eat, you will EAT IT. Tomorrow I am going to prep a week's worth of healthy food for my lunches, my husband's lunches, and dinners for my kids. 

My usual lunch at school involves soda and pizza, bought at the corner gas station. Always overpriced, always expensive. Sometimes some chips or chocolate are thrown in there. In interest of full disclosure, I often have breakfast pizza with a side of regular Sierra Mist while I am at it. Bad, bad, bad. 

Small changes for this week are: 

I bought medium sized tortillas instead of large. I also bought them in whole wheat. I got baby spinach to throw in my wrap with lean deli turkey breast, romanine lettuce, and hummus. I got a 6 pack of green peppers (it was DRASTICALLY cheaper to buy them this way). I will cut those up tomorrow and have them with my Panera Asian Salad Dressing, along with some baby carrots. I have a few diet shakes and a box of VitaTops to pack for breakfast this week, which I will eat with an apple. I have a cut up pineapple from last week and a big bag of oranges to serve as "dessert" with my lunch. Not the healthiest, but I have a few open bags of pita chips so I will be eating those with 1oz. of Wegman's colby jack cheese. That will be my snack. Once the pita chips are gone I will probably move on to pretzels (I have lots of open bags and am trying my best not to be wasteful). I will also be making a mix of white and brown basmati rice and kidney beans to have through the week. I will have a small portion of this with my lunch wrap. I have a few "naughty" goodies to work my way through, such as twizzlers, chocolate covered potato chips, but these will be worked through slowly. I will not be purchasing any soda this week at work, water only, with the occasional flavor packet. 

There! It feels good to have it written down, that way I can at least go back and read what I was thinking :-) 

More/Less

Eat more healthy foods/eat less junk

Exercise more/be a lazy ass less often

Read more/watch less TV

Go outside more/be less of a shut in



I need to be a better example of health for my kids. My daughter takes after me and I don't want her having the same issues I do. I don't want her feeling that she needs to go on a diet when she is 8. I want my son to learn how to make healthier choices for his own health. He is a skinny little peanut and will probably always be short but that doesn't mean he won't be overweight if he has a terrible example like me.